"That's Natalie!" on Divorce
I know that divorce is not easy on anyone that had experienced it. I actually was the one who filed for divorce. I tried to work out my marriage, but it was destroyed due to outside fun I couldn't accept. I walked to the lawyer's office like Sophia from the "Color Purple" when she was meeting Hapo's parents for the first time. I was done. Once I filed, I got all my stuff and drove from Savannah GA to OH all by myself. I was in the first stages of Divorce, getting the hell out of the situation. You thought I was going to give you the steps of how people cope with death. Nope. However, divorce can be viewed as a death, or great relief.
My divorce was an awful experience to me. I had to start all over again at 28. I had to literally move back into my room at my parent's house. That was hard. I didn't have a job, money or insurance because my ex made the most money and I was trying to get him to a level of prosperity before he could help me out. Well, that didn't happen. I went through a lot of ups and downs from where I started to where I am now. However, during that time, I felt like I failed as a woman and wife. I supported his needs and dreams. I sacrificed my desires to help him get to the next level in hopes that he would do the same for me. I was depressed and lonely. In the end, I came to the conclusion that I was a wonderful wife to the wrong man.
Now, let's fast forward to the current time. Looking back, it was a challenge to regain who I was after my divorce. However, it's possible. I'm stronger and wiser than I was at 28. I love myself more and because of this I can spot a fake man in a minute. For real. Marriage is the ultimate dating experience. Once you experienced it, there is nothing a man or woman can say or do because you have seen it all. I remembered when I started to date again and a guy told me that he would buy me a car. I looked him and say, " For what? You don't know me?" See, you become bolder and can spot crap a mile away. Now, I will say this doesn't work for everyone. I've learned that everyone should allow yourself time to heal after a divorce. I actually didn't get back into a real relationship until 9 years after my divorce. I did date guys during this time frame, but I had to heal to forgive him and myself. Some people really need time to heal, while other could jump back into a relationship ASAP. Each individuals can vary.
Divorce taught me that marriage works better with the right person. Society tells people that marriage doesn't work, but that's wrong. Marriage is wonderful, but you have to work continuously to keep it going. Sincerely, people need to look at the person you would like to marry. If they're crazy, abusive, mean or just an A**hole, don't marry them because you will get divorce. If you are going through a divorce now, stay strong because it will get better. If you are like me and been divorce for a while, you don't remember except when you are filling out paperwork and need to choose between Single or Divorced. LOL Anyway, allow yourself to heal, forgive and grow. Because real love never ends.